It is only 2 sleeps to Langebaan as I write this prologue to the Soul Sailing 2006 log. The e-mails are doing the rounds as we all rev each other up in anticipation of wind and a week away from the day to day tedium of work life – Mr. Shaw and Mr. Field contribute to the general decline in politeness content of the e-mails. Jeremy has already begun with threats to the tune of “anyone who sails on or before Saturday and gloats about it will be sent to the Captain’s Cabin in Saldanha with grinding paste in their jar of Vaseline”. Hmmmm. Things may get interesting.

The 2006 soul sailing music list has been compiled as follows (note – no boy bands, rap crap or kwaito) :
• DePeche Mode – Precious (last year’s official soul sailing song)
• Chili Peppers – anything, but especially Dosed
• Billy Idol – White Wedding (2004 soul sailing official song – still a classic)
• Mike and the Mechanics – Over My Shoulder (Julian’s song, not what you think though)
• Dire Straits – Sultans of Swing (or is that salsa)
• Frankie goes to Hollywood – Relax (we intend to)
• Gary Moore – Parisienne (Langebaan) Walkways (beaches)
• Jack Johnson – any songs for after sail relaxation with a nice cold bevvie in hand.
• Lenny Kravitz – American (Langebaan) Woman – just for Jeremy
• Prince - Purple Rain (or better known as the Wagster purple haze)
• Rolling Stones - Start Me Up – for the morning after a long evening.
• Simple Minds – New Gold Dream 81,82,83,84 – or 32, 33, 34, 35 knots !
• Talk Talk – It’s My Life (at least for a week)
• Tom Petty – Free Fallin’ (enough said !)
• Stranglers – Peaches (yes !)
• Foreigner – Urgent (gotta sail now, the wind may drop off as it does at Bronkies)
• Urge Overkill – Girl, You’ll Be a Woman Soon ……..(because Jeremy is on his way to Captains’ Cabin !)
• Underworld – Underneath the radar (for those traveling to the ‘Baan by car)
• Train – Drops of Jupiter (or red wine / beer / Jamesons)
• U2 – Even Better Than The Real Thing
• U2 – Elevation (big air ??)
• U2 – Vertigo (bigger air ??)
• U2 – Wild Honey (for Jeremy and Fop)
Ag what the hell – any U2 will do !!!

Die Briels deserve a special mention with their 1952 hit “Die trein na Pretoria” as found on Julian’s iPod. Lourens pointed out that they are a brother and sister group who still stay in Danville Pretoria. I guess that it was only a one way ticket.

The 2006 soul sailors were :
• Those esteemed originators of the soul sailing concept (way back in 2004) - Gabi, Julian, Malcolm, Waggy.
•  The 2005 soul sailing virgins - Phillip (Mr. Mountain Man) and Jeremy (Flange man)
• The 2006 soul sailing virgins :
o Lourens – too big is not big enough !
o Ernie – Gabi’s “kitchen bitch”, referred to as Eric / Eddie etc. by Paul who could never quite get a handle on “Ernie”
o Colin – Dr. Surf, our mobile dispensary
o Adrian – aka Woody, a nickname earned due to his uncanny resemblance to the main character in Toy Story. Thanks to Colin for pointing out this crucial fact to us.
• Part time soul sailors – Bruce, Alan (brother to Adrian - you have our sympathies boet !)

Friday 27 October – Cape Town (and specifically the Cattle Baron and its manageress) don’t know what hits them as Julian, Gabi and Ernie arrive in all their glory. A bit of innocent hair pulling ensures them bad service for the rest of the night.

Saturday 28 October – Captains log - the klingons arrive en mass in Langebaan. But where are Colin and Adrian ? Colin is writing exams so I guess that makes for a reasonable excuse. Adrian was, by his own admission, gardening in Alan’s back yard – how’s your mind, bru ? We pull into our pad for the week – these are the Long Beach Cabanas just across the road from CWC. Nice digs, fully furnished, no TV which contributes to those long late evening kak-praat sessions. I arrive at 5PM after a trip through the Cape winelands feeling rather thirsty. Wind is blowing around 20 knots westerly. Gabi and Julian seem to have had a nice sail at CWC. As we all pull into the cabanas, everyone is feeling frisky at the prospect of a whole week’s wind and relaxation. As a result, all sorts of pranks are pulled on one another. Nothing is sacred with the possible exception of windsurfing gear – it is open season on each others beds, rooms, cars, possessions. Waggy’s van in particular suffers as it lends itself to the application of sunflower oil on the steering wheel and pedals. Most of the nastiness is instigated by Julian and actioned by Gabi. By 8PM, Waggy is ready to bliksem Gabi – talk about pushing the envelope. Dinner at Spinakers is a bit of a raucous affairs – Lourens has that look on his face which says “what the hell have I let myself in for ?”. The pretty brunette and her date are forced to move to another table care of several leg-mounting antics by Gabi and Paul. We kill the evening with an on-line review of the various weather forecast sites – the prospects for wind over the next few days look dim and the mood turns somber.

Sunday 29 October - The day dawns bright and sunny – wind is a miserable westerly in the order of 5 to 12 knots – rather frustrating really. Phillip, Lourens and Jeremy are the only okes who brought along big kit (i.e. 8+ sq.m sails) and get planing every now and then. The rest of us spend the day messing around on the beach at Pearlies with Waggy’s kite and laughing at the half-baked antics of the morons on their jetskis trying to pull the equivalent of doughnuts on water – ah well, at least they got some speed. Boredom and lack of wind makes up the rest of the day. We check out all the 2007 boards being prepared for testing by ze Germans at CWC. Looks like cutouts are still the vogue. Some have funny rubbery flapper type surfaces to the rear of the fin – what’s that all about then – maybe to provide a variable tail kick for extra maneuverability without compromising speed ? Dunno. Starboards generally look the sexiest (and fastest) with that lekker retro marine ply decking. Day is finalized with dinner at Pearlies – things get a bit hectic when Gabi hijacks the left overs from the table next door and scores a couple of luke-warm uneaten onions – the after shocks are still reverberating around Langebaan a few days later..

Monday 30 October – nothing but frustration. Wind is zero – there is no adequate description on the Beaufort scale for these conditions - the closest Beaufort description is “force 0 calm”. It was less windy than that ! Ernie convinces us to go for a canoe paddle around the island. Brilliant idea. Ernie, Phillip, Lourens and I hire a couple of kayaks from CWC and head off across the calm waters of the lagoon. Phillip gets the nasty kayak which keeps irrigating his butt through some strategically placed holes. The view from the water is stunning as we stop regularly and have a good look around – very different to the view when on a hectic run at 30 knots across the lagoon. Schaapen Island is full of birds (and by association, tons of fresh guano) and reeks a bit. We spot several large man-o-wars and zillions of minute jellyfish. We meet up with two seals in the middle of the lagoon and drift to within 2 meters and watch for 5 minutes as they preen themselves. It’s at times like this that I feel very privileged to experience nature in that manner. We spend a couple of minutes catching some small waves but the kayaks are large and don’t perform too well. After 2 hours of fun we get back to CWC. Lourens dashes himself to pieces on the barnacle ridden sand bags of the groyne and hobbles away with lacerations to his feet and hands.

Ernie decides to go all coastal on us and buys a couple of snoek to gooi on the braai for dinner. The house still had that ou vis-reukie 5 days later when we left Langebaan. Later that evening, we had our annual game of Tchoon us the Tune using Julian’s iPod – Wagster, Julian and yours truly excel whilst the others just shake their heads – Jeremy is climbing the walls in frustration as each song is cut short after the first two beats. Woody gets a skrik when Phillip gives a brief salsa demo in uncomfortably close proximity. He spends the rest of the night with his arse huggin the closest wall.

Tuesday 31 October – crappy westerly in the morning which suddenly turns southerly at around mid-day and is accompanied by some sun shine. Someone has the bright idea to move further up the lagoon to find better wind – this is Bronklies sailing logic – the closer you are to the source of the wind, the better it must be ? We arrive at sand baai (just to the north of the yacht harbor) and find what looks like enough wind to rig a 7.5sq.m sail. Bruce joins us for the day. The small white sandy beach is quickly transformed into an untidy clutter of composite materials and a vista of color as sails are rigged, accompanied by the usual heaving and grunting noises as maximum downhaul is applied. Julian has a brief altercation with one of the locals who takes exception to having his driveway used as a rigging area. Most of us are on ±7 sq.m sails – I rig a 7.5 sq.m. Pryde V8 and borrow Waggy’s 125 liter JP SuperX board and immediately get my arse kicked by the biiiig gusts and the even bigger chop care of the running current. I have the catapult of my life as the board nose pitches into a section of chop. Everything becomes slo-mo, with every nuance of the catapult (from the first thought of “oh kak” to the final splash down) experienced in absolute clarity. Somehow, as I was in the midst of my graceful arc over the top of the board looking down at the water, my harness hook uncoupled from the line and I had a relatively soft landing a couple of meters in front of board and rig. Quick check - OK – no bones broken, no holes in sail, no cracked nose of the board (that really would’ve made Wagster happy). It was time to rig down – out came the 6 sq.m. Sabre and 95 liter board – things felt much better and the pucker factor was quickly overcome.

After an hour or two of hectic sailing, the wind dropped to a more manageable and consistent 20 knots, the water flattened out and it was time to practice gybes on the inside. Everyone is off the water except for Lourens and myself. We have a good extra hour’s session without the other sailors littering the water. Adrian and Julian decided to race each other downwind to CWC and leave the rest of us idiots to pack up – wonder if Adrian ever found the rotten fish head in his trailer…..

Towards late afternoon, the weather had socked in a bit and it got really cold and overcast. It was time to head off for warmer climes and grub such as oily chips and beer at Friday Island. Anthony and Andy were out sailing off CWC and having a blast on 120 liter boards and 7sq.m sails. With hindsight, we should have waited a bit before rushing off to sand baai – but then again, as a bunch of wind anxious inland sailors, we always charge for the water at the slightest puff of a breeze. Colin arrives, but is too late for the wind, thereby earning the title of the official sacrificial sailor of the day. Furthermore, the poor bugger draws the short straw and gets to bunk with Wagster in the room of horrors and experiencing wind of a different kind.

Wednesday 1 November – we awake to a crappy westerly blowing – again ! Bloody hell – will this never end ? Ernie is happy as the drain in one of the units is blocked – he puts on his plumber’s smart-casual work clothes consisting of PT shorts, T-shirt (with collar, hence smart casual in his industry) and his “Ernie's Plumbing” hat and arms himself with tools of the trade including the ubiquitous rubber plunger. A couple of minutes later, the offending article in the form of a large ball of hair (yuck) has been removed from the drain and everyone (especially Gabi) can relax again.

Woody is at it again – caught perving over the Sports Illustrated swimsuit section (Hey ! Maybe that’s actually why we called him Woody ??). He’s like the proverbial dog that has finally caught up with the car’s tire but doesn’t know what to do next. Jeremy and Woody are walking around like John Wayne clones - bandy legs and two loaded guns with hair triggers – luckily for Jeremy he has a hot date this evening. Unluckily for Woody, the swimsuit edition has been commandeered by someone else. The air is electric with tension.

Jeremy heads off on his hot date in CT smelling like a Modern Talking fan and looking very smooth. He only returns at 5AM the next morning but apparently has nothing to show for his efforts. What the hell was he up to between 12 and 5AM ? All sorts of theories made the rounds, none of which can be repeated here.

Thursday 2 November – woken to the sound of rain barreling down – sounds like rats (really big ones) running across the roof. All morning, it looks like it will clear up but there is still only a fart of a westerly blowing. As it begins to clear, we rig our biggest sails in anticipation of the wind picking up. Nothing happens. Lourens is the only oke planing off the beach at CWC on his 8sq.m and formula board. We wait for several hours before derigging in disgust. Julian arrives and starts to rig – we all laugh at him. Suddenly, at 3PM the wind picks up to a whole 15 knots. It’s a mad panic as Philip, Colin and I re-rig our largest sails and launch off the beach to the north of the groyne. We get some nice runs for about an hour before the wind fizzles away for the day.

That evening, we head off to Ivan’s pad for prawns. While we were sailing, Jeremy was expressing his artistic side by concocting prawn sauce and savory rice dishes. The 4 kilos of prawns get consumed with little effort. Shark tales are the order of the evening with all sorts of horror stories produced for the benefit of Woody who is an acute selachophobiac, i.e. one who pisses in his pants at the thought of a shark. According to one eminent web site “...the problem often significantly impacts the quality of life. It can cause panic attacks …..Symptoms typically include shortness of breath, rapid breathing, irregular heartbeat, sweating, and overall feelings of dread, although everyone experiences shark phobia in their own way and may have different symptoms….living with fear means …..poor performance….”. Half the symptoms described above sound like those experienced during the course of a really hot date (unless you’re Jeremy) so I guess the phobia can’t be that bad then ? We walk home that evening being buffeted by a fresh north-wester and assaulted by the driving rain – looks like it’ll be windy in the morning.

Friday 3 November – The streets of Langebaan are awash with raging torrents of water from the night’s rain. It’s cloudy and the wind is blowing 25 knots plus. We get on the water at 08h00 at Pearlies for 4 hours of some really good action. Most of us rig in the order of 6sq.m sails and 100 liter boards. Gabi, the eternal poefter, rigs a 5.2 sq.m and gets caught trying to uphaul in the eddies caused by the fast moving current. His body language says it all as he walks back up the beach. Those who rigged correctly get long runs across the lagoon to the south of the island all the way to the bay just north of Kraal Bay. The conditions vary from super flat just off Pearlies beach, through hectic chop in the channel (care of current), through smooth rolling swells past the island and finally a quick gybe in shallow flat crystal clear water at the end of the run. Some runs are quite hectic forcing a change in fin size. Adrian, with thoughts of shark stories still fresh in his mind decides to tack rather than gybe his 100 liter board as he believed this would provide the lowest probability of him falling in – guess what, he falls in anyway. Someone took their silly pills. Ernie takes some nice action pics. After 3 hours of zooting up and down, it’s time for grub – nothing like a greasy breakfast to settle the previous evening’s indulgences. Woody makes a nuisance of himself with the waitresses - again.

Saturday 4 November – clear weather (finally) with a light westerly. The wind changes to almost southerly at about 2PM which sees a frenzy of activity at CWC. It ends up blowing maximum 12 knots for an hour or so. Colin and I are fed up watching Phillip and Lourens planing across the bay on their large kit. As our kit is too small, we hire large boards from Anthony and get about an hour on the water. Julian, Gabi and Ernie have left for Cape Town without saying cheers to anyone, hence none of them being in the running for soul sailor award.

Dinner is at Spinakers for those of us who have not yet left Langebaan. Everyone is tired from a week of frustration and we all head off early to bed in anticipation for the long shlog home.

Sunday 5 November – I leave the ‘Baan at 06h00 just as the day dawns bright and sunny with just a hint of a SE starting – ja typical. The wind pumped SE for the entire week thereafter (and is still pumping…..). That Friday, Julian received an SMS from Wagster proclaiming that on the 7th day the Cape sailors had to rest. We did get a nice NE at Bronkies on the following Sunday (6 sq.m. sails which is not common kit for Bronkies) but even this couldn’t get Julian to produce a smile.

But, that said, we’ll be back next year – maybe a bit later in November.

Some notable statements made during the course of the week :
• “I wonder what the poor are doing today ?” - attributed to one Jeremy Shaw, a rhetorical question posed whilst we were sitting swilling beer on the rocks in front of Cape Sports Center watching Lourens cruising up and down on his Formula board. Ironically, the beer in question was Castle milk stout, that icon of the South African riff raff.
• “Get your hands off me, you &*&^$% wanker” – Wagster, after a couple of hours of mayhem caused by Gabi to several of Waggy’s possessions.
• “I’ve always been vulgar – you’ve just never heard it before” – Colin after being admonished for dropping one whilst in the company of others. This statement is put into context only with the knowledge that Colin is a man of very few words.
• “Shut it” – Adrian, every time he was questioned about the distinct lack of chest hair.
• “Dis nou wat jy noem ‘n paraquarium” – Lourens in response to the bevy of beauties featured in SA Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition.
• “No, her girlfriend won’t like that” – a response from the waitress when queried by Woody if her cute colleague was single and, possibly, available. This elicited a whole lot of interest at our table.
• “The wind will blow later – just check the gulls – they’re flying high today” – a certain Mr. Teal, proprietor of the CWC, upon being questioned what the wind would do. This theory proved without foundation as, throughout the week, the seagulls were all over the place irrespective of the wind conditions.
• “When the wind stinks, you know it’s a south wester” – one of Anthony’s helpers who provided us with a very scientific forecast – I guess he meant that the SW wind blows from Schaapen island to CWC bearing smells of birdie-do.
• “Get on that **&^ing board NOW and sail, tosser !” – apparently the exact words spoken through clenched teeth by Julian and addressed to Gabi on windy Tuesday.
• “Nooit bru, that was hectic – I got three catapults on one run” – Colin admitting what no sailor likes to admit when we were reviewing the photos from the solid NW session.
• “Howdy, howdy, howdy” – Woody earning his nickname.
• “Screw you okes – I’ve got stuff to sell” – Waggy shouting through the window of his van and subsequently disappearing in a cloud of dust not to be seen for the rest of the soul sailing trip.
• “You can’t be serious – there’re sharks out there !” – Woody in response to Julian’s announcement that the dredger had dragged its anchor during the storm and was beached and that all those folks with wetsuits were requested to assist in refloating the thing. Gullible comes to mind – a word, according to MS Word’s thesaurus, which describes a person who is “susceptible, easy to fool, easy to fleece”.
• “I’ll do it for the money, but no photos” – Philip on being approached to render services to some ladies staying in Julian’s house in Cape Town.
• “rhubarb, rhubarb, rhubarb” – Philip, as caught out on many occasions speaking on his cell phone in sotto voice, accompanied by furtive glances at others in the nearby vicinity. Was he closing the deal ?
• “That’s real cute” – Julian, upon seeing the two brown eyes pasted against the passenger window of his Pajero.
• “Fish is done to perfection” – Ernie just prior to unveiling to a group of ravenous sailors the most soggy, raw snoek mankind has ever witnessed. Our collective response is unprintable.
• “No worries, inner peace, bru” – some local lad who passed us on the beach – what was he on ?
• “I just can’t believe this…..” – Malcolm each time the synoptic chart was updated and perused only to find no less than 20 miserable low pressure systems dotted around the SA coast resulting in puffy, useless westerly winds.

 
Check this out – when last did you see as confused a weather pattern as this ? Gonnas ! Just look at all them lows !

• “My mom told me to chew each mouth-full at least 30 times” – Woody, after having been queried why the hell we were still waiting for him to finish his main course after we had already finished our pudding.
• “Wind is dropping” – Julian on Friday morning having just driven up and down Langebaan in the search for the best place to launch in a NW, secretly hoping that the nasty chilly breeze would go away. Minutes later, the rest of us were out on our small boards and 6 sq.m sails having a jol. For this, Julian was awarded procrastinator of the week.
• “$#@%^$#ing *&*& wind / swell, I hate you *&6&^%$4” – Bruce, after having been dumped by a big gust and having lost his bandana in the middle of the lagoon – apparently witnessed by Gabi, who himself was lying in the water and expressing similar opinions to mother nature.
• “I’m cold” – heard at least 20 times a day from Woody as he stands around in full 5mm wetsuit whilst all others are in shorties. What a girl.
• “I hate these low volume boards” – Gabi after a “hectic” sailing session on Friday, referring to his 121 liter “low volume” Carve. It’s not the board bru – it’s the sail which was too small.

Some unanswered questions :
• Who sabotaged the light bulb in Gabi’s crapper and covered the bowl with Glad-Wrap ?
• Who converted the toilet bowl in Woody’s bungalow into his worse nightmare and then who unfairly caught the blame for the dastardly deed ?
• Who were the blokes who couldn’t keep their eyes off a certain rack of cleavage on the night before departure ? Who’s the oke who ratted on them ?
• Who’s the CT swine who, instead of playing airport shuttle to the real soul sailors, was sailing Kraalies in a SE on the Sunday.
• Who were the two savages caught plucking nose hairs out of each other’s nostrils whilst watching the sun set ?
• Who called each other snookums and went to “sleep” at the same time every night behind a locked door ?
• Who posed as Vladimir the Russian tourist one night when the alarm system in the one bungalow was sabotaged and confronted the poor security oke in Hungarian (clue) when he made his appearance ? Reports of the Russian Mafia operating in the Langebaan area were rife the next day.

In our boredom on the myriad of windless days, we discovered several unique / unconventional uses for common day-to-day articles :
• Boards Magazine – useful for waving away noxious odors.
• Sunflower oil – good for protecting peroxided hair when added to shampoo, also good for lubricating things such as steering wheels, brake pedals and windows.
• Large blue rubbish bins – ballast for windsurfing vans.
• Wetsuit – useful for cold water days, although the Mountain Man insists otherwise and prefers to sail in only a pair of boardshorts and harness.
• Red wine – useful in the art of cooking, not as a sauce additive, but as a cook lubricant.
• GPS – paper weight – only possible use left after having tracked maximum speeds on the water of 160 km/h and 60knots for Jeremy and Colin respectively.
• Peanut shells – good for protecting floor surfaces.

The official awards for Soul Sailing 2006 were bestowed upon the lucky ones as follows (with a brief explanation of the award in italics) :
• Soul sailor of the week (the most prestigious award and one everyone should aspire to get – generally to be awarded to the coolest oke - not cool as in hey, kiff bru, I’m the most awesome sailor in Langebaan, ek se – generally a laid back disposition is required). This came down to a toss-up between Ernie and Lourens – Ernie, although he didn’t sail, was nominated because not much could faze the man; Lourens was nominated due to his unflagging enthusiasm and consistent unchallengeable belief that, contrary to all the predictions of kak wind (care of SA Weather, Wind Guru, Magic Seaweed etc.), the wind would begin to blow the next day / hour / minute. He also attained (by far) the most water time even in marginal conditions using his formula board. The decision finally went to Lourens as the award was, after all, for “soul sailor”. Waggy was awarded the “soul salesman of the week” award.
• Speed merchant award (the oke clocking the fastest speed i.e. the highest single speed reading logged on a GPS track using a windsurfer board and sail combination, propelled by the wind on the water only – this was to stop any of the participants harbouring intentions of driving fast close to the water’s edge in their Pajero) – according to downloaded GPS tracks, Jeremy excelled with 32 knots off Pearlies in a NW. Adrian was convinced that he was super quick on his 100lt Sonic (having raced past Julian on numerous occasions, not that that is really saying much) but had no proof of this.
• Sloth of the week award (the slowest oke on the water measured by GPS) – Gabi for a slovenly 19 knots in a 20+ knot SE – talk about sailing sheeted out !
• Best on the water move award (any radical move witnessed by at least one other (honest) person, preferably captured on video / camera. Must be done using windsurfing gear being propelled by the wind at the time of the maneuver. Big air doesn’t count as this is the subject of a separate award) – no brainer – this was awarded to Phillip for his chop hop converted into nose first landing followed by rapid motion of body over the old handlebars followed by large amounts of displaced water and spray – could this have unwittingly been the first forward attempt by a Bronkies soul sailor ?
• Best off the water move award (same as above but not on the water – by implication, Pajeros, curbsides and bar stools can be used) – won by Jeremy with his statement to the extent of “Can you handle 9 of us ?” to the manageress of Spinakers whilst maintaining a straight face and still expecting good service thereafter. I’ll leave the rest to your imagination.
• Biggest air (must be performed on the water using windsurfing gear while being propelled by the wind at the time of achieving air and witnessed by at least one other) – Phillip with an elegant chop hop in a westerly 18 knot breeze – total height estimated at a whole 3 foot ! Was witnessed by myself. Disputed by Julian who claimed his own biiig air (3.5 ft) whilst sailing downwind well out of sight. Hmmm….big air ???
• Score of the week (that oke who scores biggest – witnesses to the carnal act are preferable, undergarments as proof will also suffice. Officially for single okes only. That should make it a close run fight between Jeremy and Fop – scoring each other (and sharing the award) doesn’t count lads) – Ernie almost walked away with this one for pulling the bosun’s mate at the bar one night with proof of the deed in the form of the oke’s business card (and phone number). Rather sad really. However, the rules note that only single guys were eligible for this award. As Phillip, Jeremy and Adrian didn’t perform at all, this award will go unclaimed – sorry state of affairs in this day and age, especially considering all the time we had off the water.
• Gooi jou naam weg award (must be witnessed by several okes and result in extreme embarrassment to himself, the group in general or a 3rd party) – Jeremy arriving home early one morning after a “hot” date with bugger all to show and admitting that this was not the first time such a thing had happened to him. Shame.
• Tosser of the week (an old favorite, self-explanatory) – Waggy, second year in a row ! Generally grumpy disposition and sudden departure half way through the week secured this award. It was also agreed that in future this will otherwise be known as the “Gabi” award.
• Entertainer of the week award (the oke who consistently creates the most entertainment for the others – e.g. last year some tool burnt his nether region care of a cigarette lighter and home produced methane gas - this is the sort of thing we’re talking about) – Woody. Entertaining to watch him degenerate from his initial polite disposition upon arrival in the ‘Baan to the “dark” side over the course of the week. Let’s just say that he arrived as a gentlemen and left as an arsehole like the rest of us.
• Spotter of the week (the oke who spots the nicest booty on the beach and shares the joy with his buds) – None – pathetic really. The weather was never good enough to be conducive to the proliferation of beach talent.
• Biggest woesie award (that oke who for some reason or another behaves like a woessie when the wind is up) – Phillip, seen hiding behind his board in a 25 knot northwester at Pearlies Beach after only 5 minutes on the water.
• Going big award (that oke who loses the most control due to excessive alcohol intake) – Jeremy, copious quantities of red wine of various origins / cultivars / year ended up in his stomach during the preparation, over several hours, of a really fine prawn sauce – half the consumed quantity was meant for said sauce.
• Big spender award (the oke who pushes the most moola across the counter during the acquisition of windsurfing related goods – buying speedos doesn’t count) – Mr. Field did not disappoint having apparently blown several thousands of ZA ronts on a whole quiver of Pryde Alphas. Colin comes a close second for having spent dosh on equipment hire from Bay Sports and getting very little use out of it.
• Oh bliksem I’m gonna kak award (that oke having the biggest moment on the water – not necessarily in the same league as the “best on the water move” award. Proof preferably required in the form of stains on underwear or broken gear) – Lourens who, while attempting to guide his canoe to shore, got sideswiped by a wave and ended up bashing himself to pieces on the barnacle encrusted groyne bags – multiple lacerations on the hands and feet are testimony to what must have been a series of urgently executed life preserving body movements.
• Equipment trasher award (self explanatory. Eligible irrespective of whether it’s your own kit, borrowed stuff or rented gear) – Gabi for putting his arsehole through his sail on day one, ripping (excuse the phrase) a large hole in said sail.
• Injury of the week award (carpet burns on the knees and alcohol induced accidents will be disqualified. Methane burns will be considered) – Gabi (again ??) – several nasty looking roasties on his knees from colliding with his board’s deck. In addition, getting a nose bleed on the water after meeting up suddenly with his boom. Worth a mention are a) Adrian who had fin gashes on his ankles care of frantic, fear inspired water starts (shark bait), and b) Phillip who mashed his thumb between board and mast – ouch !
• Biiiaaatch of the week (that oke (used advisedly) who consistently displays an effeminate side to his persona – like the oke who cooks a really good meal or who makes up his bed in the morning or who plays Modern Talking or the Back Entry Boyz on the way to Kraal Bay). – Jeremy for taking every opportunity to put on an apron and prance around the kitchen. Nice grub though.

Here’s to better wind next year.