After much thought I have come up with 6 fiendishly clever ways of achieving this.
1. Declare war on Airbus and Boeing. If we could convince the americans that these two companies actually produce weapons of mass destruction as demonstrated at the world trade center we may be able to get them to blow them up. However since George Bush is no longer president this will be much more difficult to do. With these aircraft manufacturers out of the way there will be a glut of carbon fiber on the market thereby making our favorite material much more affordable.
In 2007 the BSSA (Board sailing secret agency) actually managed to infiltrate agent US1111 into Airbus. Agent US1111 managed to change the electrical drawings of the A380 super jumbo. The result was that the wiring harness was too short consequently holding up production for a year or more and ensuring the supply of carbon.
2. In light of the R 1000.00 visa put in place by the Brits it was suggested that all foreign winsurfers pay an equivalent 1000 pound visa (not the exchange rate thing. They would just laugh at us.) The proceeds would be used to subsidise the purchase of kit for local sailors. How cool is that?
3. Get funding from the health department. Now that Jacob Zuma is president we may be able to convince him that windsurfing is actually far more effective at preventing HIV than a shower is. After all we spend much more time in the water than the average shower session. We also get blasted by spray and occasionally have water forcefully injected into various orifices. If this works we may even be able to get the WHO involved. We could then get the Red cross to distribute windsurfing kit all over the world.
4. Obliterate the tax havens. Countries like Monaco, Lichtenstein, Switzerland, Cayman islands etc are actually harboring the money stolen by the banking morons and financial thieves. It is estimated that there is at least $7 trillion dollars stashed away. If we could get this money back everyone could have free windsurfing kit for the next twelve years and we would end the financial crisis.
5. Provide free psychiatric treatment for the program directors of the worlds television companies. How difficult could it be to convince them that windsurfing is more interesting to watch than a bunch of guys dressed in white on a round field occasionally throwing a red ball at each other? If we succeed at this we WILL get major sponsorship thereby reinvigorating our sport.
6. Get Kim Jong-il to provide each and every person in North Korea with windsurfing kit. We could get get him to do this by showing him how super cool windsurfing is and how it would enhance the international standing of his country. It is after all much nicer to provide everyone with kit as opposed to AK-47's. This would create serious economies of scale which in turn would bring down the costs. Just imagine JP receiving an order for 5 million wave boards and Mistral receiving an order for 12 million slalom boards!!! How would he pay for it I hear you say. He would simply threaten his neighbours with nuclear obliteration until America paid for it.
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